New Vistas...

We are on the verge of a new year.  There are so many things running through my head!

I have so many things to be thankful for...

Most of all, I am thankful for Elvis.  Without him, I'm sure I wouldn't be where I am.  He is a wonderful man and the perfect one for me.  He is strong for me.  He is good for me.  He takes care of me.  I'm incredibly lucky have met someone that loves me, encourages me, cares for me, and is just the best blessing.

I am thankful that I quit smoking.  It's been a year and a half.  I can't believe that!  It's been a difficult road but I know it's for the best.  It has allowed me to get better, and stonger!

I am thankful for the Atkins diet.  It's working for me!  I'm really wanting to see 264 when I get on the scale tomorrow, but if I don't, it's not the end of the world.  Last New Years Eve I was 304.  I'm just happier to say I'm SMALLER than I was last year!  :)  It's not the goal I had... but it's smaller... and that's good enough for me.  I know that I'm going on.  I'm not done.  I'm going to keep it up all year long.  Last year, I did really good for a month, and then I started slacking off.  I didn't go back on the diet until the end of October.  I tried on and off thru out the year, but didn't stick to it for very long.  If I lost 40 lbs this year, and I didn't really do what I was supposed to be doing, Imagine what 2012 will hold...  I'm really wanting to see 199 by next new years.  I'd love to see less, but 199, I don't ever remember that weight...  So it'd be really awesome to get there.

I'm having knee surgery on Wednesday...  I'm hoping that - with that surgery - I'll be able to get my ass back out there and work out.  I'm dying to ride the bikes that Mom and Dad got us for Christmas!!  I'm also dying to start walking again.  It's pretty cold outside, and I love walking when it's cold.  Lastly, We got a kinect on Black Friday.  I hurt my knee on Black Friday.  SO I've never gotten to play Dance Central 2.  I can't wait to get out there, get my groove on and look like a fool.

I have so many wants... so many resolutions for next year.  I want to get under 200 lbs.  I don't care if it's 199...  I want to be under 200!!  Losing 100 more lbs would be incredible.  That would put me at 164...  But I'm not sure that nearly 9 lbs a month is a possibility for me...  I'm a slow loser.  I know that.  I read about a guy... Gene Boley, who was on strict induction for an entire year.  If it wasn't on the approved Atkins food list for induction, he didn't eat it.  He moved on to OWL last week.  He's running 12 miles a day!  I want to run.  I really do.  There is something really freeing about running.  One day I will run in a race.  I may not win, but that doesn't matter.  One day I will run.  That is a goal.    I have a girlfriend online that is going to work with me to getting to 199.  She seems to think we can do it sooner.  I really hope she's right!!! :)

Here's to 2012...  I'm going to kick your ass!!!

The dreaded holidays...

So Thanksgiving came and went....  I did just fine with it.  I didn't cheat once, and the scale luved me for it!  I had turkey, salad and such a wonderful time.  I even had some chicken with green mole sauce.  Yummy!!!  :)

I went to my parents for 10 days.  10 days in Florida and resisted all temptation. I even made Twice baked faux potatoes and they were SO yummy!!  :)  When I got back, my scale had the same numbers as when I left...  but I'm kinda used to that.  Sometimes it happens.  I might have accidentally had some chocolate that wasn't low carb.  Oh well, it happens.  I was ok.  On Christmas eve, I was down to half a pound from 40 lbs lost this year.
Christmas eve and Christmas day were a different story...  We made tamales at Elvis's parent's house.  I ate my weight in tamales over 2 days.  Bread, Corn meal, sugar, chocolate, tres leches..  I knew I was bad.  I didn't worry about it.  I knew that I'd start back again today, with renewed vigor.  I got on the scale this morning and I gained 4 lbs in 2 days.  I know it's mostly water weight, but I'm completely ok with it.  So, I have until Saturday to lose 4.5 lbs!  :)  I think I can do it.  I'd like to say I've lost 40 lbs by Jan 1.  Next year, I'll continue my work.  I'll continue my diet and I know I'll lose more. I wonder how much I'll be able to post as a loss next year?

I have knee surgery scheduled for next Wednesday.  I tore my miniscus 2 days after Thanksgiving.  It's been slowly healing, but I'm afraid that with out surgery it won't heal completely.  It's swollen most days and sometimes quite painful.  The surgery will mean that I'm out of work for 2 weeks to a month.  I want to come back to work stronger, skinnier and more beautiful than ever before!  I want to hear WOW you look incredible when I come back to work!  :)  In addition to continuing to lose weight, because I'll be sitting on the couch, healing for 2 weeks, I'm planning to take this time learn spanish.  I can't do much of anything else...  SO I'm going to sit on the couch, and work my rosetta stone as hard as it can go.  :)

Let's see how this goes.  I'm still very excited about my changes.  I'm getting smaller, and loving it.  :)

Results, Thanksgiving and more results!

So on the 15th, I weighed in... and I was terribly surprised when the scale told me 276... I hadn't lost ANYTHING!  UGH!!!  I was so frustrated.  I started logging my foods.  I was still walking every day.  I learned that I was eating too many veggies.  Yea, the carbs were good...  but they were still carbs.

I cut back.  I ate even more fat, and less carbs.  I was very careful with what I ate.

I debated on cheating for Thanksgiving...  I debated until the morning of Thanksgiving if I would cheat or not.  That morning, I decided... I would not cheat.  All day long, I was tempted.  Pies, Stuffing, Mashed potatoes!   OH MY!!!  At Elvis's parent's house, I was tempted with rice, tortillas, and eventually birthday cake.  Anyone that knows me, is that cake is my favorite thing in this world!  For me to say no thank you, to CAKE, is amazing.  I was so incredibly proud of that.

This morning, I weighed in as part of our biweekly weigh in for the Atkins group I'm a part of on facebook.  I hoped on the scale this morning and I wanted it to read what it had a few days ago...  I chanted that weight in my head over and over...  finally, I looked down...  it read 270!!!  Huzzah, I lost 6 lbs in 2 weeks!  AND, on top of that, it was an additional .5 lbs than I was hoping for... so, more huzzahs!!!

Going forward I'm just going to keep it up... Let's pray I can get thru these holidays like I did the last one!

Weigh-in eve

So...  at the end of my first week back on the diet, my scale said something truly amazing...  276!!  I had lost 13 lbs my first week.  I don't think I've ever done that good!  :)  After my first week, TOM hit...  my scale hoping started to make me sad.  I wasn't  seeing the scale drop, and I was seeing water pockets on my stomach!  I started getting depressed and ofcourse, started doubting myself and my diet.  I reached out to my group and their advise was the one thing I didn't want to do...  Stop weighing several times a day.  Wait until the 15th and weigh in with the group.  I asked Elvis to hid my scale and I haven't weighed in 10 days or so...  I weigh in tomorrow morning...

I'm nervous, excited, and very curious!

Back in the groove

Well, Vegas has come and gone.  Congrats to London and Gio for their nuptials.  The are a very beautiful couple.  :)  While I was in Vegas, I had a ton of fun.  If I wanted to eat something, I ate it.  I didn't worry about carbs as I had in - n - out, Krispy Kreme, and tons of other stuff I shouldn't have had.  We went all over the place and experienced some new things together.  A Vegas wedding, seeing the Wynn together and the Grand Canyon.  Of all my experiences, the Grand Canyon was my favorite.  It was a 5 hour drive, each way, but completely and totally worth it.  I kinda thought Elvis might propose while we were there...  but alas, my ring finger is still completely naked.  :( 

When I got back from Vegas, I hoped on the scale.  It read 289.  UGH!  Really?!  Once again, I was back up to almost my starting weight - back in August.  While I was doing the advocare, I had gained a few lbs as well.  I never saw the 13 lb weight loss that my friend had.  I decided against spending a ton of money on their 24 day challenge.  I would go back to Atkins when I came back from Vegas.  I know how to work that.  On my flight there, I read part of the Atkins book.  Things are starting to make sense for me.  :) 

I started back on Atkins on Thursday morning.  Starting weight - 289.  Today is Sunday.  I weigh every day, twice (atleast).  The scale read 278.5 this morning!  So in 3 days I've lost 10.5 lbs!  Yea!!!  I'm doing things a little bit differently than I have in the past.  If I want to eat something that I haven't prepared myself, I google the carbs on it.  I didn't realize just how many hidden carbs I was eating!!!  No wonder I wasn't losing weight.  No wonder I still had massive amounts of cravings!!!  So this time, I'm either cooking it myself, or researching it BEFORE I eat it!  I'm back on track and loving it. 

Tuesday, I start a new challenge with an Atkins group I belong to.  It's a "Move to Lose" challenge and my goal is 30 miles in 30 days.  That's not too bad.  Surely I can walk a mile every day.  I've already planned out my route.  It's a fancy part of my neighborhood and I'll get to watch them putting up all their holiday decorations.  That should be really nice to see. 

I love the holidays.  I love decorating, planning out my shopping lists and wrapping packages.  I love having a tree up.  I love colder weather.  I love the Macy's Thanksgiving day parade.  I love going to Florida to visit my family and having our "Christmas" 2 weeks before the actual holiday.  This is my favorite time of year.  I just need to make sure my food stays in check.  No need for me to go off the deep end and cause myself pain, weight gain and disappointment.  Ya know?

Just some thoughts

So far, so good..  I'm down 17.5 lbs now.  In the grand scope of things, that's about 10% of what I needed to lose to be at what Doctors say is my ideal weight.  To reach my goal, I started needing to lose 95 lbs.  So, I've lost 18.5% of my weight.  I've gotten so many compliments.  People are noticing the weight loss!  I'm so proud of what I've done so far.  I'm by no means done with my journey.  I'm just beginning.  I'm so excited too.

I'm starting a new program soon.  It's called Advocare.  I'll be taking a Metabolism booster called Thermo and a energy drink called Spark.  One of my good friends lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks from that with out even trying!  She ate anything she wanted.  Now, I'll still continue to eat as healthy as possible, however I can't do Atkins and Advocare at the same time.  Spark has 10 carbs in it, but it's not sugar.  I'm not sure what the carbs are though.  I'll have to research that.  They have a 24 day challenge that I'll start when I get back from Vegas.  I want to start it on October 30 or 31.  Because that will mean I finish it just before Thanksgiving.  :)  so far, my friend has lost 6.5 lbs on the challenge.  That means she's lost 20 lbs so far!  I KNOW I can do as good!  :)

I'm so happy.  Im so blessed.  I sat down and talked to a lady at work last night.  She's been through some serious things in her life.  Her son killed himself.  Her husband beat her.  She moved away from her entire family.  She's had it rough!  We talked about where I came from.  I think that sometimes I don't really realize where that was.  I told her about my Husband.  About what I went through.  About my Gastric Bypass.  Now, I don't really tell everyone I had gastric bypass because then people look at me and think well that didn't work.  That's frustrating for me.  I have to tell people that I used to be 420 lbs.  People don't believe that.  You might not even believe that.  I'll show you a picture to prove it.  I told her about the divorce.  About dating Doug.  About the drinking and the scary destructive path I was on.  And then about the blessing I've received.  About Elvis.  About what his love, patience, understanding and caring has done for me.  What I've been able to accomplish with that kind of support.  How that has changed my life.  How that has changed my outlook.  I wouldn't have been able to do any of this on my own.  The support that I've gotten is incredible.  He's stood behind me while I've quit smoking.  He's stood behind me while I've quit drinking sodas.  He's stood behind me while I've stopped drinking.  Now he's standing by me while I'm losing weight.  Thank you God, for giving me such an incredible man.  Thank you for blessing me with him.  You know exactly what I need.  I also know that if I hadn't have been through ALL of that other stuff, I wouldn't be at the place I am RIGHT NOW.  And that as HORRIBLE as things were, I wouldn't trade ANY of it.  Because this is the best I've ever felt.

Here is the promised picture...

Me at 420 lbs in Jamaica

 

 

Observations, Contemplations and Wishes

So I've moved past the cheating.  I've realized that if I cheat, it's not the end of the world.  It's not the end of the day even!  I just get back on it.  I've lost all the weight that I gained back during Elvis's birthday!!! :)

I've been thinking about donuts for almost 2 weeks!  Today, I walked past a box at work and I even stopped to smell it.  OMG, it smelled SO good!!!  I really really wanted one.  But I walked away.  I only really think about cheating during the weekends.  During the week, I don't have time!!

I've realized that at work, I drink coffee, ice water and when I get off I come home to eat "lunch".  Today I had 3 cheese sticks, some cauliflower, broccoli, french onion dip, some honey ham sandwich meat, some cheddar cheese and 2 sugar free peanut butter cups.  Tonight, I'll probably have 2 slices of bacon and scrambled eggs with bell pepper, salsa and a little cheddar cheese.  I don't feel as fat as I did last week.  That makes me feel better.  :)

I've been watching one of my best friends as she's started on a new journey.  She's doing Advocare.  She lost 13 lbs the first 2 weeks.  She started the 24 day cleanse 3 days ago and has los another 6.5... That's 20 lbs in 2 weeks and 3 days!!!  I'm so excited for her.  I am so excited, infact,  that I'm really thinking of doing it myself!  Her first 2 weeks were on a metabolism booster and energy drinks.  That is how she lost the 13 lbs the first 2 weeks.   So that's what I'm contemplating.  I want to try the metabolism booster and the energy drinks.  I"m going to try them after she sends them.  We'll see how I feel with them.  It'll mean going off of the low carb diet.  That does make me nervous.  But we'll just see how it goes.  The thought of losing 13 lbs in the first 2 weeks... that would be almost as much as I've lost the whole time I've been on the Low Carb diet.  I'm hoping that I'll see the kind of weight loss that she has.. that would put me at 30 lbs lost.. It would make me so incredibly happy.

I'm still hoping for a ring... Vegas is only 3 weeks away.  I doubt he's going to pop the question... I hope so though.  :)

*sigh*

So after my awesome success last week, I had a major set back.  It was a planned cheat, but I never thought it would get to those levels.  Elvis's birthday was on Sunday.  I cheated from Saturday to Monday.  I ate EVERYTHING in sight.  Cake at nearly every meal.  Kolaches, Jamba Juice, pasta.  Mexican food, cake and lots of chocolate.  I knew what I was doing, and knew it would mess me up.  I knew I would regret this later.

On Tuesday, I climbed  back on the scale after misbehaving for so long.  What did I see?  289!!!  In 3 days, I had managed to gain 10 lbs!!!  How in the world did I do that?  Then my mind went back to the cake... and the chocolate.   I was so pissed at myself.  I restarted the diet and in 3 days I've lost 7 of those 10 lbs.  I'm still very annoyed with myself.  Today I'm at 282.

  On top of 10 lbs gained last weekend, we gained some amazing memories.  We went to the Johnson Space Center for Elvis's birthday.  We had an amazing time.  We also went to the Southwest Airlines Spirit Party at Johnson Space center a couple of days later.  Elvis took this one picture of me at the Space Center.  I think it's the best picture I've ever taken.  What do you think?

Here lately, getting married is all I can think of.  I really wish he'd propose.  I know what dress I want to go try on, I know alot of the stuff I'd like to do for our wedding.  I just have to wait until he asks before I can tell him any of it.

Ren Fair starts next weekend, the weekend after we have a trip to Orlando, and  the weekend after that, we're going to Vegas!  Maybe he'll ask me there.  The rest of this year will certainly be a blur... :)

Success!!!

SO I was having a little bit of a pity party last week...  I ended up cheating on my diet.  It wasn't a planned cheat, so I was really upset.  I cried, I felt sorry for myself and I swear... if I hadn't already cleared my house full of everything bad, I would have eaten it!!!

Well, As I've said before, my boyfriend is amazing...  Beyond amazing...  He's started walking with me in the evenings, and it's a really special thing to me.  It's something to do together that doesn't require money, or going anywhere or anything.  And at the end of it, my clothes are completely soaking wet and my hair is too.  It makes me happy to see all the sweat.  And ya know what..  He doesn't think i'm gross because of it!  :)  Our puppies enjoy it too.  They like to be outside and to smell all the new things.  However, after about a mile, they are really tired.  It's really funny too.  My poor little daisy looks like she's barely able to go on.  She was wandering last night and got too close to the road.  I pulled on the leash to pull her closer.. she was so tired that she fell down and skidded across the sidewalk.  Poor thing looked so confused!  I really enjoy the walks though.  It strengthens our relationship all at the same time.  :)

So after my cheat, I got back on it.  I started doing more walking, and focusing on induction principles and decided to try some new recipes.  Well, that was Monday.  Today is Friday.

Today marks 1 full month that I've been doing Atkins.  I didn't realize this until way after I did my morning weigh-in.  Now, I weigh every day.  Sometimes multiple times a day.  It's an addiction, I know.  Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's not.  However, even when it's not, it's a motivator.  :)

Today, I got on the scale and had a small mantra in my mind.  The mantra said 270 something... 270 something...  I got on the scale and after it had finished, I looked down.

IT SAID 279!!!!!!  279... I've lost 14.5 lbs since I started.  It's on the beginning and I'm just getting started.


I have a new goal.  I want to lose 29 lbs by christmas.  If I'm under 250 by Christmas, it'll be such a blessing.  If it's more, I'll be ecstatic.  If it doesn't show 250, and it says anything less than 279, I'll still be happy.

Let's do this!

Oh.. and on the other wish...  I am dying to tell Elvis that I want to get married.  I know I shouldn't say anything and just let it happen when it happens... but I can't help myself!  I really want to get married.  I'll keep on wishing...

Struggling...

I'm struggling today.   The scale refuses to move even though I'm trying.  I'm frustrated and emotional too.

I've been watching this show Heavy on A&E...  But I'm watching it on Netflix.  These people are so encouraging.  I hope I can do what they do...

I think I'm just tired.. all the time.  I think it's because of work that I'm so tired.  Getting up at 3am and going to bed at 9pm or later, i'm exhausted.

All I need is some scale motivation.  I just want to see it move... Please?

I think I'll go do some zumba... maybe that'll cheer me up a bit..

*5 minutes later*  Nope zumba is not meant for someone who's body still moves after they stop.  I nearly threw my back out... even if the guy teaching the class is a hottie... I can't do that yet... :(

OMG! No wonder my scale isn't moving.. I thought my LOW CARB Breakfast that I've been having the last 3 weeks was a really good, safe bet. I decided to try fatsecret today and apparently it's 16 carbs! :'( I am so frustrated at myself... 3 weeks, almost 4 ... WASTED! I guess it's HARD induction for me... How in the world am I ever supposed to deal?

God help me..

A "Me" Plan

I"m not really even sure I'll share these thoughts with anyone...  But I'll do my best to be truthful and open.

I guess I need to start with where my thoughts went wrong.  History is a good place to start... then I'll be able to explain where I'm going, and how.

In 2005, I got married to my college boyfriend.  We were happy-ish... but not deep down.  We probably should have never gotten married and both of us know that now.  I was 420 lbs when we got married.  I was miserable and sad.

In March of 2006, I had gastric bypass surgery.  I got down to 240.  Then my life went to hell.

In January of 2007, my husband and I moved to Dallas, Tx from Orlando, Fl.  I knew no one, and to boot, I started a new job in a new field.  In July, I found out my husband was talking to another girl on the east coast.  He was talking about going up there to live.  Stupidly, I bought a house with him a month later.  He said he had changed.  I tried to believe him.  I tried for months to believe him.  However, I think I was just DONE.  By Christmas, I was so miserable that I couldn't stand anything any more.  I asked for a divorce.  He refused.  This continued for months.  I shut down.  I started drinking and partying all the time.  Nearly every day.  One day, I stopped wearing my rings.  A month later, he realized, and finally said OK to our divorce.  I moved out, and started drinking every single day.  I moved in with a friend and was still eating and drinking.  Well, I kept gaining weight.  Eventually I got my own place and met someone.  I filed for divorce and started dating the other guy.  I started going to Houston on my off days.

In January of 2009, my divorce was finalized.  By March, I had moved to Houston.  I flew back and forth to Dallas every day for work.  In September, I transferred my job to Houston.  Within a month of that, he and I were on the rocks.  HARD.  In November, my aunt had a horrible car wreck and passed away.  My life was shaken harder than a martini.  He and I broke up and I moved in with someone.  During the time during my divorce and while I was with the new guy, I had gained quite a bit of weight.  Depression will do that.  After 4 months, I was able to move out on my own.  I was finally able to start putting my life back together.  With in a couple of months, I was stronger.  I was on my own, paying for all my own things and life was good!

On May 5th, I was browsing okcupid.com and saw an amusing profile.  He was interesting.  He was honest - which was a change.  He laid out all his "flaws".  But I really didn't see them that way.  He spoke several languagaes.  I was most fascinated about that... so I used it as a point to email him.  The emails went on for a few days.  Those turned into texts and then phone calls.  We met for the first time on May 13th.  We've been dating ever since.  He's strong, sweet, and caring.  He doesn't care about my flaws.  My weight, that I smoked, that I drank or that I had baggage.  We became best friends while we were dating.  A month after we were dating, I quit smoking.  We continued being happy...

Fast forward to today.  We've moved into a house.  We have 2 dogs and a cat.  He came with a dog and I came with a cat.  The other dog was adopted by the two of us.  It's our little family.  We're so happy.  In January, I started trying to lose weight.  It lasted about a month... I lost 30 lbs in that month.  It didn't last because I didn't have will power.  I'm back at it now...

I started 3 weeks ago.  I was at 293.5.  I weighed this morning and now I'm at 281.5.  12 lbs in 3 weeks isn't so bad.  This is my first wish...  My first plan.  I want to lose weight.  I'm doing the Atkins diet and some sort of excersise every day.  It's a little difficult, but not overly hard.  My final goal weight is under 200.  I haven't been under 200 since middle school.  So, I'm not sure what that even looks like.  I have a motivation for this weight loss.  The motivation is a dress.  This guy is the most perfect thing that has ever happened to me.  We are so perfect together.  We have never really fought.  We have a ton of fun together.  He loves me and I love him.  I never thought I'd want to be in this place again... but I am.  That leads me to my second wish...

I want to get married.  I want Elvis to ask me.  We have been together for over 1.5 years.  I have thought he was going to do it so many times this year...  But so far, nothing!  I'm dying for him to ask me.  We have Vegas coming up in a little over a month.  I hope he will ask me then.  It would be so amazing.  :)  I know I should just be enjoying the ride... and I am.. but still.  :)

So those are my wishes.  Eventually, there will be a third.  A baby.  But for now, I'll settle with losing weight and getting married. :)

I'll probably be posting more about weight loss, atleast until Elvis asks me.   Then this will probably become a wedding blog.  :)  Ahhh the possibilities!

Elvis and I on top of the Ferris Wheel

February, 2011