SO I was having a little bit of a pity party last week... I ended up cheating on my diet. It wasn't a planned cheat, so I was really upset. I cried, I felt sorry for myself and I swear... if I hadn't already cleared my house full of everything bad, I would have eaten it!!!
Well, As I've said before, my boyfriend is amazing... Beyond amazing... He's started walking with me in the evenings, and it's a really special thing to me. It's something to do together that doesn't require money, or going anywhere or anything. And at the end of it, my clothes are completely soaking wet and my hair is too. It makes me happy to see all the sweat. And ya know what.. He doesn't think i'm gross because of it! :) Our puppies enjoy it too. They like to be outside and to smell all the new things. However, after about a mile, they are really tired. It's really funny too. My poor little daisy looks like she's barely able to go on. She was wandering last night and got too close to the road. I pulled on the leash to pull her closer.. she was so tired that she fell down and skidded across the sidewalk. Poor thing looked so confused! I really enjoy the walks though. It strengthens our relationship all at the same time. :)
So after my cheat, I got back on it. I started doing more walking, and focusing on induction principles and decided to try some new recipes. Well, that was Monday. Today is Friday.
Today marks 1 full month that I've been doing Atkins. I didn't realize this until way after I did my morning weigh-in. Now, I weigh every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. It's an addiction, I know. Sometimes it's a good thing, and sometimes it's not. However, even when it's not, it's a motivator. :)
Today, I got on the scale and had a small mantra in my mind. The mantra said 270 something... 270 something... I got on the scale and after it had finished, I looked down.
IT SAID 279!!!!!! 279... I've lost 14.5 lbs since I started. It's on the beginning and I'm just getting started.
I have a new goal. I want to lose 29 lbs by christmas. If I'm under 250 by Christmas, it'll be such a blessing. If it's more, I'll be ecstatic. If it doesn't show 250, and it says anything less than 279, I'll still be happy.
Let's do this!
Oh.. and on the other wish... I am dying to tell Elvis that I want to get married. I know I shouldn't say anything and just let it happen when it happens... but I can't help myself! I really want to get married. I'll keep on wishing...
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
Struggling...
I'm struggling today. The scale refuses to move even though I'm trying. I'm frustrated and emotional too.
I've been watching this show Heavy on A&E... But I'm watching it on Netflix. These people are so encouraging. I hope I can do what they do...
I think I'm just tired.. all the time. I think it's because of work that I'm so tired. Getting up at 3am and going to bed at 9pm or later, i'm exhausted.
All I need is some scale motivation. I just want to see it move... Please?
I think I'll go do some zumba... maybe that'll cheer me up a bit..
*5 minutes later* Nope zumba is not meant for someone who's body still moves after they stop. I nearly threw my back out... even if the guy teaching the class is a hottie... I can't do that yet... :(
OMG! No wonder my scale isn't moving.. I thought my LOW CARB Breakfast that I've been having the last 3 weeks was a really good, safe bet. I decided to try fatsecret today and apparently it's 16 carbs! :'( I am so frustrated at myself... 3 weeks, almost 4 ... WASTED! I guess it's HARD induction for me... How in the world am I ever supposed to deal?
God help me..
I've been watching this show Heavy on A&E... But I'm watching it on Netflix. These people are so encouraging. I hope I can do what they do...
I think I'm just tired.. all the time. I think it's because of work that I'm so tired. Getting up at 3am and going to bed at 9pm or later, i'm exhausted.
All I need is some scale motivation. I just want to see it move... Please?
I think I'll go do some zumba... maybe that'll cheer me up a bit..
*5 minutes later* Nope zumba is not meant for someone who's body still moves after they stop. I nearly threw my back out... even if the guy teaching the class is a hottie... I can't do that yet... :(
OMG! No wonder my scale isn't moving.. I thought my LOW CARB Breakfast that I've been having the last 3 weeks was a really good, safe bet. I decided to try fatsecret today and apparently it's 16 carbs! :'( I am so frustrated at myself... 3 weeks, almost 4 ... WASTED! I guess it's HARD induction for me... How in the world am I ever supposed to deal?
God help me..
Monday, September 12, 2011
A "Me" Plan
I"m not really even sure I'll share these thoughts with anyone... But I'll do my best to be truthful and open.
I guess I need to start with where my thoughts went wrong. History is a good place to start... then I'll be able to explain where I'm going, and how.
In 2005, I got married to my college boyfriend. We were happy-ish... but not deep down. We probably should have never gotten married and both of us know that now. I was 420 lbs when we got married. I was miserable and sad.
In March of 2006, I had gastric bypass surgery. I got down to 240. Then my life went to hell.
In January of 2007, my husband and I moved to Dallas, Tx from Orlando, Fl. I knew no one, and to boot, I started a new job in a new field. In July, I found out my husband was talking to another girl on the east coast. He was talking about going up there to live. Stupidly, I bought a house with him a month later. He said he had changed. I tried to believe him. I tried for months to believe him. However, I think I was just DONE. By Christmas, I was so miserable that I couldn't stand anything any more. I asked for a divorce. He refused. This continued for months. I shut down. I started drinking and partying all the time. Nearly every day. One day, I stopped wearing my rings. A month later, he realized, and finally said OK to our divorce. I moved out, and started drinking every single day. I moved in with a friend and was still eating and drinking. Well, I kept gaining weight. Eventually I got my own place and met someone. I filed for divorce and started dating the other guy. I started going to Houston on my off days.
In January of 2009, my divorce was finalized. By March, I had moved to Houston. I flew back and forth to Dallas every day for work. In September, I transferred my job to Houston. Within a month of that, he and I were on the rocks. HARD. In November, my aunt had a horrible car wreck and passed away. My life was shaken harder than a martini. He and I broke up and I moved in with someone. During the time during my divorce and while I was with the new guy, I had gained quite a bit of weight. Depression will do that. After 4 months, I was able to move out on my own. I was finally able to start putting my life back together. With in a couple of months, I was stronger. I was on my own, paying for all my own things and life was good!
On May 5th, I was browsing okcupid.com and saw an amusing profile. He was interesting. He was honest - which was a change. He laid out all his "flaws". But I really didn't see them that way. He spoke several languagaes. I was most fascinated about that... so I used it as a point to email him. The emails went on for a few days. Those turned into texts and then phone calls. We met for the first time on May 13th. We've been dating ever since. He's strong, sweet, and caring. He doesn't care about my flaws. My weight, that I smoked, that I drank or that I had baggage. We became best friends while we were dating. A month after we were dating, I quit smoking. We continued being happy...
Fast forward to today. We've moved into a house. We have 2 dogs and a cat. He came with a dog and I came with a cat. The other dog was adopted by the two of us. It's our little family. We're so happy. In January, I started trying to lose weight. It lasted about a month... I lost 30 lbs in that month. It didn't last because I didn't have will power. I'm back at it now...
I started 3 weeks ago. I was at 293.5. I weighed this morning and now I'm at 281.5. 12 lbs in 3 weeks isn't so bad. This is my first wish... My first plan. I want to lose weight. I'm doing the Atkins diet and some sort of excersise every day. It's a little difficult, but not overly hard. My final goal weight is under 200. I haven't been under 200 since middle school. So, I'm not sure what that even looks like. I have a motivation for this weight loss. The motivation is a dress. This guy is the most perfect thing that has ever happened to me. We are so perfect together. We have never really fought. We have a ton of fun together. He loves me and I love him. I never thought I'd want to be in this place again... but I am. That leads me to my second wish...
I want to get married. I want Elvis to ask me. We have been together for over 1.5 years. I have thought he was going to do it so many times this year... But so far, nothing! I'm dying for him to ask me. We have Vegas coming up in a little over a month. I hope he will ask me then. It would be so amazing. :) I know I should just be enjoying the ride... and I am.. but still. :)
So those are my wishes. Eventually, there will be a third. A baby. But for now, I'll settle with losing weight and getting married. :)
I'll probably be posting more about weight loss, atleast until Elvis asks me. Then this will probably become a wedding blog. :) Ahhh the possibilities!
I guess I need to start with where my thoughts went wrong. History is a good place to start... then I'll be able to explain where I'm going, and how.
In 2005, I got married to my college boyfriend. We were happy-ish... but not deep down. We probably should have never gotten married and both of us know that now. I was 420 lbs when we got married. I was miserable and sad.
In March of 2006, I had gastric bypass surgery. I got down to 240. Then my life went to hell.
In January of 2007, my husband and I moved to Dallas, Tx from Orlando, Fl. I knew no one, and to boot, I started a new job in a new field. In July, I found out my husband was talking to another girl on the east coast. He was talking about going up there to live. Stupidly, I bought a house with him a month later. He said he had changed. I tried to believe him. I tried for months to believe him. However, I think I was just DONE. By Christmas, I was so miserable that I couldn't stand anything any more. I asked for a divorce. He refused. This continued for months. I shut down. I started drinking and partying all the time. Nearly every day. One day, I stopped wearing my rings. A month later, he realized, and finally said OK to our divorce. I moved out, and started drinking every single day. I moved in with a friend and was still eating and drinking. Well, I kept gaining weight. Eventually I got my own place and met someone. I filed for divorce and started dating the other guy. I started going to Houston on my off days.
In January of 2009, my divorce was finalized. By March, I had moved to Houston. I flew back and forth to Dallas every day for work. In September, I transferred my job to Houston. Within a month of that, he and I were on the rocks. HARD. In November, my aunt had a horrible car wreck and passed away. My life was shaken harder than a martini. He and I broke up and I moved in with someone. During the time during my divorce and while I was with the new guy, I had gained quite a bit of weight. Depression will do that. After 4 months, I was able to move out on my own. I was finally able to start putting my life back together. With in a couple of months, I was stronger. I was on my own, paying for all my own things and life was good!
On May 5th, I was browsing okcupid.com and saw an amusing profile. He was interesting. He was honest - which was a change. He laid out all his "flaws". But I really didn't see them that way. He spoke several languagaes. I was most fascinated about that... so I used it as a point to email him. The emails went on for a few days. Those turned into texts and then phone calls. We met for the first time on May 13th. We've been dating ever since. He's strong, sweet, and caring. He doesn't care about my flaws. My weight, that I smoked, that I drank or that I had baggage. We became best friends while we were dating. A month after we were dating, I quit smoking. We continued being happy...
Fast forward to today. We've moved into a house. We have 2 dogs and a cat. He came with a dog and I came with a cat. The other dog was adopted by the two of us. It's our little family. We're so happy. In January, I started trying to lose weight. It lasted about a month... I lost 30 lbs in that month. It didn't last because I didn't have will power. I'm back at it now...
I started 3 weeks ago. I was at 293.5. I weighed this morning and now I'm at 281.5. 12 lbs in 3 weeks isn't so bad. This is my first wish... My first plan. I want to lose weight. I'm doing the Atkins diet and some sort of excersise every day. It's a little difficult, but not overly hard. My final goal weight is under 200. I haven't been under 200 since middle school. So, I'm not sure what that even looks like. I have a motivation for this weight loss. The motivation is a dress. This guy is the most perfect thing that has ever happened to me. We are so perfect together. We have never really fought. We have a ton of fun together. He loves me and I love him. I never thought I'd want to be in this place again... but I am. That leads me to my second wish...
I want to get married. I want Elvis to ask me. We have been together for over 1.5 years. I have thought he was going to do it so many times this year... But so far, nothing! I'm dying for him to ask me. We have Vegas coming up in a little over a month. I hope he will ask me then. It would be so amazing. :) I know I should just be enjoying the ride... and I am.. but still. :)
So those are my wishes. Eventually, there will be a third. A baby. But for now, I'll settle with losing weight and getting married. :)
I'll probably be posting more about weight loss, atleast until Elvis asks me. Then this will probably become a wedding blog. :) Ahhh the possibilities!
Elvis and I on top of the Ferris Wheel
February, 2011
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